Reflecting on My Past // 4 Year Christaverssary

2 Corinthians 5:17

 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Four years ago my life changed. When my brokenness turned into a hunger for God, I experienced the love of God. I refuse to give myself any credit for this transformation because it was all God’s work. Although, I will admit that I was thirsty and He quenched me, broken and he restored me, sinful and he cleansed me.

Before Christ, I had always wondered what this “Saved” thing was about. I grew up attending a Catholic church and did not understand the idea of being saved. I believed that if you remained a virgin , did good and went to church every Sunday,  that you were automatically guaranteed a spot in heaven. For so many years, I turned that into my religious protocol and felt justified because my friends/family did worse things than me, so clearly, I must be doing something right.

It all started with an insecure girl and an unanswered prayer… I had been praying to God about a situation that effected my dad and as the years went by and nothing change, I gave up. I got mad at God and barely believed He existed; I stopped going to church, started partying and drinking more and from there it was a slippery slope. I took that brokenness and believed that if I could distract myself long enough, I would be fine. I ran to guys, alcohol, weed, parties, sought attention and did whatever I could to fill this void. I soon realized that no matter what I did, it was always temporary. My quick fix, always burned out and I was back at square one. In these moments, I recall thinking that there had to be more to life than this cycle. There had to be more meaning to life than chasing air and keeping up with this never ending pursuit of relevance. I got tired and knew there had to be more; so I sought out more.  I reached out to a woman that had been vulnerable and open with her walk and explained to her how broken and lost I felt. She became a friend to me and encouraged me along the way until I truly grasped the goodness of God. When I had my encounter with God, it was unbelievable. I left the altar as a different person, it was almost like leaving the old Crystal at the altar and walking away as new creation in Christ. I lost the desire to party because I saw no purpose in it if God did not get the glory. I became so convicted of things that I had formerly believed were okay, the clothes I would wear, the music I would listen to and the places I would go. If God couldn’t get the glory, I did not want it. This was all a process and I am still in the process, but everyday I am being shaped into the image of God through hardships and His grace. My new life required sacrifice, sacrifices that I did not want to make. I lost a lot of relationships and bonds. My new life in Christ was so innate that I could not even pretend to be the old me just to please those around me. It was tough to see relationships crumble and distance take its perfect place, but it was all apart of His plan. I remember being told that I was living for Jesus merely for “attention” and that I thought I was “holier than thou.” These words hurt, but they didn’t discourage my journey because I knew this was real and not a phase. Everyday, I can stand boldly as an example of what God can do in the life of a broken person, He works perfectly. From my career path, to my mindset, to my whole life, God has played a huge role. It is an honor to be able to inspire people through my speaking, Youtube videos and posts. It truly brings me joy knowing that I can give hope to others and empower them. My life has meaning now and I don’t regret pressing towards the mark, being obedient to God and a willing vessel. God has given me a life that I would have never even thought to ask for, because He knows exactly what I need. I love my friends, community and all the great people that I have met during this journey.

God is faithful and He is mighty to save. Believe that Beloved.

Grace and Peace,

Crystal O.

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